here's my baby

Car update: Here she is! I'm sure you've all seen much, much worse--I know I have. But, to me, this was as scary as it gets. I know that it could have ended a lot worse than it actually did and the only thing I can do is thank God that it didn't. As you can see, all the damage was done to the front drivers side. That's another thing I immediately thanked God for--keeping Cat (as much as possible) out of harms way and allowing my side to get the brunt of it. In fact, I think the first thing I said to Cat was "Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry! I'm so glad my car turned so it was on my side and not yours!" to which she responded by giving me a huge hug and saying how thankful she was that we were both safe and uninjured.

It's crazy to think that such a small amount of damage (I know, I know, that's a lot of damage--but in the grand scheme of things and in comparison to the size of my car, it's really not a large amount of damage) can cost $3-4,000 to fix! Ahh! Don't get me wrong, I'm grateful that nothing more than a stiff back and neck happened but it's just such bad timing!


I'm currently looking for both cars AND jobs--I've already applied at a few (dreaded) retail positions and I'm sending out my resume like a madwoman. I guess I should count these 3 days in between LNT closing and mom coming home as a blessing to get out as many resumes as possible and apply for as many jobs as I can. I'm at moms through New Years Day and I spend January 4th-the 12th (I believe) with Christie and Kennedy while Jeff is out of town so hopefully by then, I'll have at least one, if not two, jobs to update with! In a perfect world, I would be able to start my job as soon as I'm done staying with Christie. Don't get me wrong, I know I need a job ASAP and would, obviously, accept any position I'm offered (even if it meant working while staying with Christie) but, oh, wouldn't it be nice to just have these two weeks and start working my butt off after that? :)

"Let not your heart be troubled. Ye believe in God, believe also in me. "
John 14:1

remember that car in the ditch...

yeah, that car is gone.

When was I in the ditch? 3 1/2 weeks ago?? Apparantly my luck hasn't turned yet. God is really testing me. And as much as I want to say "bring it on G-O-D!" I'm afraid I can't. I know God only gives you things you can handle but I'm really at my breaking point. It's like He's saying "I know you had trouble believing in me and I know that you are fully giving yourself over to me...so let's just test you and make sure you stick around." Well guess what big guy? I'm not going anywhere! Is it rough? Sure is. Am I majorly stressing because not only will I be unemployed in a week but I'm now carless--and how in the heck am I going to get a job if I don't have a car to get to interviews? Absolutely. I might be at my breaking point but that doesn't mean I'm going to break. I'm going to take whatever God gives me as hard as it is to handle.

For those that are confused, I'll give you the short story. Picked up Cat this morning. Got on 36. Crashed into a car that had already crashed into a van that had already crashed into a car. Got it? That would make me the, yes, fourth car in that accident. Right after my car crashed, the state patrol showed up and blocked off 36 so if you were watching the news and heard about the accident that shut down 36...yeah...I was in there. Cat's okay, thank God. We're both a little sore and our backs are really stiff but if that's the worst that happened to us, I think we're in pretty good shape. As much as I sit here and dwell on the fact that I no longer have a car, I am alive and that counts for something right?

With that said, I have a message for you, big guy up above: "I'll take whatever you give me and I'll handle it as best as I can. If you decide that you're not done testing me yet, then I say it bring it on. But I would also like you to know that I'm not giving up on you--much like I don't want you to give up on me. So, you can keep pouring it on if you'd like, but if you've had enough, then I think I've had enough too. A little good luck Some of God's amazing grace would hit the spot right about now. Thanks."

props to the big guy and his right hand man

Before you begin reading, I want you to know that you're not going to understand a whole lot of this post until you read the next one. Well, you're not going to understand all of the God-loving going on at least!

I went to Winona this weekend to celebrate Ali's birthday. As I was driving home on Sunday, my car hit a patch of black ice on the highway. Thank God there was no one else on the highway around me because my car fish-tailed a little bit and then spun around 4 times. Had a car been behind me or even within a few hundred feet on the highway, I'm sure I would have been hit. After the last spin, my car was headed toward the ditch--at first, I thought my car was going to roll--the ditch was pretty steep and pretty deep (yay rhyming?). For some unknown reason (i.e. someone looking out for me from above), my car headed nose first down the embankment instead of rolling. I stopped about 25 feet down the ditch and just sat there for a minute thinking "what just happened?"

This is going to sound over-dramatic but I'll be honest, it was EXACTLY what went through my head as I was spinning around on the highway. When I thought I was going to roll over the edge, I remember thinking to myself "I don't want to die. I don't want to die yet." The most ironic thing about that thought is, for so long after Phil died, I remember sitting in my room and crying and telling God that I was ready and that he could take me and I just wanted to die and be with Phil. So the fact that the first thought that popped into my head was "I dont' want to die" made me realize A LOT of things. I knew I didn't want to die but I've never consciously sat down and thought about it since the months after Phil's death. I kid you not and I exaggerate not when I say that I literally thought my car was going to roll. Someone HAD to be looking out for me. Maybe it was God. Maybe it was Phil. Maybe it was Grandma or Grandpa. I don't know. But there's no way that my car would have, not only not rolled, but been completely undamaged and myself completely unhurt unless there was someone who was watching over me. So, to whoever it was, thank you. All I'm going to say is: if I wasn't completely ready to let God love me, yesterday would have changed everything. Instead, yesterday just confirms everything. (Again, read the post above this is you're confused.)