Before you begin reading, I want you to know that you're not going to understand a whole lot of this post until you read the next one. Well, you're not going to understand all of the God-loving going on at least!
I went to Winona this weekend to celebrate Ali's birthday. As I was driving home on Sunday, my car hit a patch of black ice on the highway. Thank God there was no one else on the highway around me because my car fish-tailed a little bit and then spun around 4 times. Had a car been behind me or even within a few hundred feet on the highway, I'm sure I would have been hit. After the last spin, my car was headed toward the ditch--at first, I thought my car was going to roll--the ditch was pretty steep and pretty deep (yay rhyming?). For some unknown reason (i.e. someone looking out for me from above), my car headed nose first down the embankment instead of rolling. I stopped about 25 feet down the ditch and just sat there for a minute thinking "what just happened?"
This is going to sound over-dramatic but I'll be honest, it was EXACTLY what went through my head as I was spinning around on the highway. When I thought I was going to roll over the edge, I remember thinking to myself "I don't want to die. I don't want to die yet." The most ironic thing about that thought is, for so long after Phil died, I remember sitting in my room and crying and telling God that I was ready and that he could take me and I just wanted to die and be with Phil. So the fact that the first thought that popped into my head was "I dont' want to die" made me realize A LOT of things. I knew I didn't want to die but I've never consciously sat down and thought about it since the months after Phil's death. I kid you not and I exaggerate not when I say that I literally thought my car was going to roll. Someone HAD to be looking out for me. Maybe it was God. Maybe it was Phil. Maybe it was Grandma or Grandpa. I don't know. But there's no way that my car would have, not only not rolled, but been completely undamaged and myself completely unhurt unless there was someone who was watching over me. So, to whoever it was, thank you. All I'm going to say is: if I wasn't completely ready to let God love me, yesterday would have changed everything. Instead, yesterday just confirms everything. (Again, read the post above this is you're confused.)