reason #3 why blah blah blah!

mini conversations at work that, while they may be short, are quite possibly the most annoying...

*disclaimer* most (and i stress the word most) of my responses are not what I actually have said to people...but sometimes you just can't help yourself!

me: thank you for calling linens n things, roseville. this is melanie, how may i direct your call?
customer: hi is this linens n things?
me: i'm pretty sure i just said that
...this one is quite frequent...but the best one yet is the person who asked if this was lnt and then said "ok melanie so i'm looking for..." ...if you heard my name, i'm pretty sure you heard the rest of my spiel!


me: thank you for calling linens n things, roseville. this is melanie, how may i direct your call?
customer: hi, i need you to look for the (insert brand name) comforter in a queen size for me.
...oh i'm sorry, i asked where i could direct your call, not what i could personally help you with.


customer: so....are all sales final?
me: no. the huge red, yellow and black signs that say "all sales final" are just a joke...we figured if we played our april fools day joke early, we'd really get you!


*this is a real conversation*
customer: are you guys going out of business?
me: no.
customer: oh what's with all the signs?
me: so you can see them then? they're not invisible?


customer: do you have anything in the back?
me: ma'am, half the store is empty and roped off..do you think we have anything in the back??


customer: can you tell me how much this will be?
*cue to a trash can that has a tag saying it's $99.99 and sitting right under a 40% off sign saying 'trash cans'*
me: math skills are beneficial in life..maybe you shouldn't have quit the third grade. it's going to be $59.99. ya know, cuz 100 minus 40 is 60...pretty easy. and not just for math whizzes like me.


customer: if i buy a display, do i get an extra discount?
me: because 60% off isn't enough for you?


customer: --any form of:--what's your severance package like/do you get a severence package/are you going on unemployment, etc. (ALWAYS asked by a man)
me: sir, i'm not exactly sure that's your business


customer: when do your prices go down next?
me: Thursday we don't know until the morning of
customer: is it always the same day?
me: thursdays no.
customer: how often do they go down?
me: every week.
customer: what day?
me: nice try. if i haven't told you by now, i'm pretty confident i won't be telling you at all...