homesick

Hey buddy,
You know that feeling where some days are just really worse than others? I'm kind of at a loss for words right now (literally--I just sat staring at the computer screen for 3 minutes) and I think it's because I'm not sure what else to say besides I miss you. And I don't exactly know how to fully express how much I miss you. I miss you every day. It's not a new feeling to me. I've lived with this hole in my heart for the past 4 years. I'm, dare I say, used to this feeling. But sometimes (like today), I just see a picture of you and it becomes hard to breathe. I see your beautiful blue eyes and would do anything to look into them in person. I see your huge grin and I wish I could say the stupidest thing to make you smile. If God gave me the chance to see you again, I can guarantee you I would not waste a second. The thing is, I know that won't happen until my time is up here on Earth. And I've come to terms with that. I've dealt with it. And I understand it. But that doesn't mean that on days like today, I can't wish you were here sitting next to me watching Con Air something much cooler than Con Air. On days like today, I feel like I can't go another day, much less the next 40,50,60 years without seeing you, touching you, hearing your voice. I wonder how I'm going to manage. How I'm going to fall asleep tonight knowing that instead of sitting right next to me, you're looking down on me. But somehow I do. And I wake up the next day still missing you. But somehow it's not quite as bad as it was the night before. The one thing that keeps me going is that I know you're happy. I know you're having the time of your life. I just wish I was with you and could see you happy. I wish I was having the time of my life right next to you having the time of your life.

That's all. I just really missed you and I thought you should know. I miss you like crazy. I love you every single day. You're my favorite person in the world--that will never change. And I can't wait to see you!

Love,
Mels

Calm the storms that drench my eyes
Dry the streams still flowing
Cast down all the waves of sin
And guilt that overthrow me
::jars of clay::