It's not that I'm not usually happy, it's just that yesterday I had this overwhelming feeling of happiness. That, while life could be better, life could also be a heckuva lot worse...
Driving home from Christie's after watching Kennedy all day got me thinking--first off, I was driving. I may not have a car that's completely capable of starting right away all the time--but it eventually starts. And I have a car. A lot of people don't.
I was driving on a beautiful, sunny (albeit a little chilly!) springtime day at the end of March while there were others down south living through a spring-time blizzard! And let's face it, beautiful weather can make even the grumpiest person smile :)
I got to thinking about my two job interviews this week. I would love to do either one. One full-time, one part-time. I started thinking about how well they both went (heck, according to the office manager of one, I might be too nice to work there--while I don't necessarily understand it, someone could definitely tell me much worse things). Ya know, I complain about not having job and as frustrating as it still remains to be, I do at least have the part-time caregiver job. Some people don't even have that.
But the main thing that I really thought about was the plain and simple fact that my life is still pretty amazing. I still have things that a lot of people don't. I have a fantastic family. Wonderful parents. Amazing siblings. Sisters that I can tell anything to and not feel judged. Sisters who give me advice as often as I want. A brother that lights up when he gets to see me. A nephew and niece (and one on the way!) that make me smile every day and that I would do anything for. Some people don't have that.
I have friends who always have been and always will be there for me. Friends who I have enjoyed some of the best days of my life with. Friends who have been there for me on the worst days of my life. Friends who love me for just who I am and nothing else. Friends that are family. Some people don't have that.
What it comes down to is that I really am not proud of all the complaining I've been doing since the beginning of the year. And while everyone has told me that those feelings are normal and okay, I'm not okay with it. It seems like I forgot how to be the happy me. During my interviews, it almost felt like a lie to talk about how some of my strengths are my ability to look on the positive, to not let things get to me, to not get stressed out, to always have a smile on my face. Those things felt like lies because I hadn't always acted that way these past few months. For the first time since I got laid off, I am actually excited about the future. Not stressed about the future. Not everyone can say that.
Amazing what a sunny day can do, huh?