Soo...two days ago, I wrote a post and never actually posted it. I re-read it today and I'm not entirely happy but I'm still going to post it so you can see how I got from point A(my old post) to point B (my new post). Here's what I wrote initially:
I really feel like asking for help is just a waste of my time. Truly. Everyone always says God won't give you anything you can't handle. Well, guess what everyone? That's a load of crap. I couldn't handle losing one job, let alone two. I could handle the ditch but not the car accident. And ya know what, I even shelved my pride when I had to borrow a loan from someone close to me...but now this? (oh "this", by the way, is the fact that I just put $700 into my car to fix it A WEEK AGO and it won't start again). It's ridiculous. Are you listening God? Because you're making it REAL hard to trust you and believe in you. Haven't I had enough? I mean, come on, at least spread the troubles around. Give me time to recover from the last thing you "thought I could handle."
I know, right? I'm not exactly proud of writing that. But at the same time, I was really frustrated and that's exactly what I was feeling at the time--and if you can't be honest with God, then who can you be honest with? I know that whatever we're going through, God can handle it. I know that no matter how mad I am at God, He can handle it. I know that, even though I shouldn't, if I blame my problems on God, it's okay because He can handle it. And I know that even if I feel like I can't handle something God gives me, He can handle it for me. Even if I falter in my trust in Him, He can handle it. It doesn't always make sense to me. It doesn't always make me feel better. But the bottom line is, whether I feel like God is there or not, He is. And as long as I remember that, I'll be okay. It might not be what I want. It might not even be what I need. I may not be happy. But at least I'll be okay. That's all we really need right? To know that we'll be okay?
On that note, would it be nice to know that my hard work in finding a job is paying off? Absolutely. Would it be nice to not have any more car troubles for awhile (since I've, ya know, had my fair share recently)? Definitely. So, if you think of it, could you throw in a prayer that I find a job soon? I know there are so many people out there who need your prayers more than I do, but if you think of it, I would really appreciate it. Thanks!