and onto number 5...

customer: how many more days are you open?
me: 10 days
customer: oh. ok.
--continues to stare at me--(i know she's trying to process what day that means we're closing but instead of telling her, i just let her stare and watch her try to figure it out. i mean come on, i need some fun in my life.)
me: (3 minutes later as I get sick of her staring) we close the 28th
customer: oh great! (walks away)
...ma'am, if you wanted to know the DATE that we're closing, why didn't you just ask right away?


me: Thank you for calling Linens N Things, Roseville. How may I direct your call?
customer: you need to do something for me.
me: Let me just stop you right there sir. I don't NEED to do anything for you. You may ask for my help and I may choose to help you but I do not NEED to do anything for you. (yes I actually said that.)
customer: oh. right.

continuous conversations throughout the day:
customer: do you have ____ item?
me: no
customer: do you have ____ item?
me: no
customer: do you have ____ item?
me: no
customer: do you have ____ item?
me: no
customer: do you have ____ item?
me: no
customer: do you--
me: --chances are it's a no.


customer: ugh, this train is so expensive... (babbles on for 5 minutes about how expensive train is)
me: ok
customer: well if prices are going to go down tonight, i don't want to buy it yet.
me: --silence--
customer: are prices going down tonight?
me: no (and if they were, i sure as heck wouldn't tell you)


customer: i just spent a bunch of money here, can i have this cake pan as a gift?
me: --laughter so hard i can't even speak--


This conversation will entail a little story telling as well. I almost decked a little old lady today. Seriously. So, back story: this old lady walks up to me with a turkey fryer that she would like to purchase. She hands me a discover card. She then decides she would rather put it on her Target visa instead of her discover. I ask if she's sure she'd like it on this card and she says yes, to go ahead and put it on there. I do as told. I hand the little old lady her receipt and the following conversation ensues:
customer: oh wait, i have one of those 10% things
me: we no longer accept coupons anymore
customer: no but it's right here
me: that's fine but we don't accept them
--customer hands me a 10% coupon for Target--
me: ma'am, this is a coupon for Target
customer: no, but I can use it anywhere.
me: ok but not here.
customer: well why not?
me: we're in liquidation. due to a court order, companies that are in liquidation do not have to accept coupons.
customer: so if you weren't in liquidation, you would accept it?
me: yes, we would have.
customer: oh ok. well can you put it on my discover then? I'd rather have (some form of frequent flyer miles or bonuses or something)
me: no, i've already rung it through the register like you asked me to
customer: so you can't put it on my discover card?
me: no.
customer: well. if you guys weren't going out of business, i wouldn't be coming back here to shop then anyways!
me: that's unfortunate (said as i'm walking away)