That's as close as I can get to thanking God for the death of my best friend.
For those of you who are confused, I read a blog written by Angie Smith (if you listen to Christian music, you may recognize her as the wife of one the Christian band, Selah's, members Todd Smith) called Bring the Rain. As a writer myself, when I read the words Angie has written, I continuously sit in awe and wish I could express myself as eloquently as she does. Considering the fact that I have never met Angie, I surprise myself with each new blog she writes at how I feel as though I know her. She has a way of making you feel normal when you think you're not, of making you realize that you're not the only one going through some rough times, of making you trust in the Lord when you used to question him.
"Getting to know" Angie has made me strive for several things over the past few months: A closer relationship with God. A personal relationship with God. The ability to trust that God has plans that I may not understand. But today, she made me strive for forgiveness. Forgiveness from God for not trusting him after Phil died. Forgiveness for straying. Forgiveness for being so angry that he took my best friend away from me without any warning. Forgiveness for not thanking him every chance I get for the things he has given me and the time I did have with Phil.
As much as I am missing him today--and every day--I want to thank God for taking Phil away. I'm not ready yet to thank him for that in earnest. But I want to thank him for that. And hopefully someday I will be ready to say those words and mean them. Please go read Angie's post today ...I promise you, you will not be disappointed. And you might just be able to thank God for the one thing you never thought you'd be able to.
Happy Thanksgiving everyone...I love you!