absent

I've still been pretty absent, huh? If it hadn't been for another person telling me to blog more (right after I just posted no less!), I probably wouldn't be back yet...but I suppose since I know that people actually read this now, I better post, huh? I think part of my problem is that sometimes I just don't know what to write about...even though once I get started, I can think of a million things :) (and yes, I know I have a couple of posts from 2 months ago that I need to type up...but I just haven't gotten to verbalizing them yet...they're all in my head still!)

Anywho, lately I've been thinking about how I have gotten super stressed out a few times in the past 9 months of semi-unemployment. And the stress, not ironically, always comes from wondering if I'll be able to pay my bills that month. You know, it's a little tough to budget money when you know exactly what needs to go out but you're never quite sure what's coming in. Somehow, I always seem to make it work. When I'm really down to my wits end and I'm freaking out about how I'm going to pay my student loans that month, I get a full weeks worth of nannying jobs. Or I get extra hours at Home Instead. I know it's all part of His grand plan, that He knows exactly what's going to happen. That He knows when and how I will be able to pay my bills. It's comforting, in an obscure way, to know that He knows all of this and I don't. (Although it might only be comforting though when I'm at where I am now--extra money in the bank, every bill paid off until the middle of November, etc...)

With that being said, I've started to stress myself out a little bit thinking of the future. While I know that the person I got my "car loan" from is perfectly content waiting for me to get a job to start paying them back, it still is frustrating for me because it's something I wish I could do right now. But furthermore, I'm thinking about when my unemployment is up. Provided (worst case), I get no more hours weekly from Home Instead or don't find a steady job, my unemployment will be up the middle of December. I'm saving money like a madwoman preparing for this while still job searching and *hoping* something comes along. I know that when it has, literally, come down to my last pennies in the past, He has always found a way to provide for me. But I'm scared that this time he won't be able to. It's a big fear for me that I'm not going to be able to pay all of my bills. Hopefully it won't get to that point but it could. And, while I don't get a lot from unemployment, it is enough to help pay my bills each month.

Along with this comes my choice to, finally, take my personal training class. It's been a hard decision because on one hand, I think "well, that is $320 I don't need to spend right now." But on the other hand, I think "but it's $320 right now that will, if it works out like it should, provide me with the skills and opportunities to make a living." I have been saving for this too. So, I think I have decided that I have enough saved up in the bank to make this investment now. I am also going to continue (obviously) saving every penny I can before my unemployment is up. But taking this personal training class is something I really want to do, something I've planned for, and something I think I would be good at. So I've decided now is the time. It normally takes 4-6 weeks they say for an average person to finish this class...so if I receive the materials within the next 2 weeks, I should finish by the end of the year (well, most likely before, but for sure by the end of the year)...which I'm hoping is good timing...doesn't everyone make a New Years Resolution about becoming healthier?! Also, I have some friends who have offered to let me train them so I can use them as testimonials which will be nice. (*notice* if you know of anyone who wants a personal trainer, let me know! haha)

Ok, I think I'm spent for now. I actually had more I wanted to say but I'm on this huge motivating clean/throw-out-EV.ER.Y.THING.-i-dont-need kick that I want to continue! Have a great weekend!