Thursday, July 30, 2009

happy 25th!


Hey buddy! Today marks what would have been your 25th birthday...well, it IS your 25th birthday. Only you're celebrating it somewhere I never thought you would--in Heaven. I think what shocks me the most is not that you turn 25 today...but it's what that signifies. That means it's been almost five years since you died. And, somehow, I just don't think that's possible.

Five years? Really? Some days five years seems pretty accurate--but other days, five seconds seems too long. I still miss you. I still wish you were here for me to hug and kiss and laugh with and have water balloon fights at 2am with. I still wish you were celebrating your birthday here on Earth instead of up there in Heaven...I'm a little jealous to be honest. I mean, you get to celebrate your birthday with the big the most fantastic place anyone could ever imagine...with anybody you could ever want there. And you know what the only thing I can think about is? I'm jealous of all those people who are there to celebrate with you. I don't exactly wish I was there...but I more so wish that you were here.

I wonder what you'd be doing. I wonder if I would be a part of your day. I wonder if I would be a part of all of your days. I wonder what you would look like--if you would still look the same or if you've changed a lot. I wonder if you'd have grown out your hair again...just the way I liked it. I wonder if you'd be a genius computer guy (well...I think that one's obvious!) I wonder where you'd be living, who your friends would be. I wonder what car you'd be driving--and crashing ;)

But those aren't things I'll ever get the answers to--now I'm stuck wondering what Heaven's like for you. I wonder if you miss me. I wonder if you watch over me--if you look in on me from time to time. I wonder if you hear me when I talk to you. I wonder if I'll ever get to see you again. And those are things I will get the answers to. I just have to be patient! And you know how hard that is for me...

Thank you for being my strength, for always being there for me even when you can't always talk back. Thank you for staying with me. I hope you found the happiness you were looking for. I hope you are happier than you ever thought possible. I hope you feel the love I still have for you and I hope you feel how much I miss you. You were, still are, and always will be the best friend anyone could ever ask for.

I love you more than I ever thought someone could love another person. I love you with my whole heart each and every day. I miss you every second of every day. I hope you are having a great 25th birthday...we'll have to catch up on the celebrations when I see you again..

Love you best friend,

You are my sweetest downfall
I loved you first
::Regina Spektor::

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